In my experience from the one group I was once in, people don't care to read about personal explanations or excuses unless you know them closely and raid with them regularly. Raid groups are just meant to organize people and if no one wants to show up for a raid, then you shouldn't waste your time trying to convince them since they become annoyed pretty easily. Instead of posting your reasons for playing whatever way you play (rules and whatnot), just use the groups for what they are and keep it as non-personal as possible. In reality, no one cares how you've decided to play and why; if you can't make it to a raid you stay quiet, and if you need attendees to wait for you for whatever reason you ask and stick to whatever they decide. Just keep the unnecessary noise and explanations to yourself and you should be able to avoid most drama
Yeah, like I said, I guess I shouldn't even have bothered to reply to that first angry message. Once someone's mad at you for no good reason, trying to have a conversation with them is never going to go well.
This is a group of a few dozen players who all know each other, though, so conversations are pretty common. They all know I play by bike, so I just didn't understand how she could have been offended by me saying, "Alright, I guess I'll make an exception and drive there" just so it was clear I'd be quick, but like you said, explaining is pointless.
“Once someone's mad at you for no good reason, trying to have a conversation with them is never going to go well.”
In general, that is a lesson that has taken me a long time to learn. Trying to reason with unreasonable people just seems to add fuel to the fire. It just makes things worse (i still find myself stubbornly trying sometimes. Sigh.)
As far as raids, we are lucky to have a group that is very cooperative in our town. I’ve heard that other nearby groups are “everyone for themselves”.
Most of the leaders try to set a tone of taking care of each other. We always try to make sure everyone who says they are coming is there before we start, even if it means starting late, as long as it doesn’t risk expiration. That kind of thoughtfulness tends to pay forward.
A boosted Groudon is a great thing. No one in their right mind should pass on one.
Our group certainly has folks that “play their own way” like you. The one or two who would not stfu about how their way was THE way are gone though. It sounds like you aren’t preachy or an ass about it though so to hell with the haters. The only reply should be “well you play how you like” and carry on. You won’t change anyones mind with arguing you will only piss them off. Just do your thing and carry on.
When it comes to down to a decision of whether or not to go back to town for a raid, I always give significant preference to the regular
core raiders and not the 2-3 day warriors who come out just for the start of the new bosses. I don't have a problem including them at my convenience, but would never go out of my way to help them.
In our area no we haven't had this issue. Because people act like adults. Those that are willing to do groudon say that they and do them and those that don't want to don't do them and don't have to explain or argue about why they don't want to (for me personally I have plenty of groudon and don't want to spend any money to get more). As an outsider to this conversation only hearing your side of things, while the other person should not have posted an aggressive message to you, you do seem like you were being kind of pushy about the whole thing. Chiding people for not wanting to do groudon and trying to get them to commit to a raid that they may not want to do simply because you want to. The way you seemingly phrased that you were driving this time rather than biking does sound a bit condescending. I mean why not just say hey I'll be there in XX minutes rather than "don't worry I'm going to violate my personal role and drive so that you don't need to wait for me". Especially after having to hear it from you about why they were wrong for not wanting to do groudon and only wanting to do Kyogre in the first place they did have a reason to be upset with the situation. They were wrong in how they ended up dealing with it but I see where they were coming from.
Well, my intent was simply to let them know I'd be quick, and it didn't even occur to me that anyone could read it as anything negative. I guess that's one of those cases where text is limiting, when particular phrasing lets people interpret words differently than they were meant.
The main issue at first was that I needed to know whether the raid was going to happen or not, so I could get there in time. I had agreed that I'd fight it whether it was the one I wanted or not, but for those distant raids, I can't bike there in time if we wait until it hatches to decide whether we're going to fight it or not. That's why I was annoyed that they have two legendaries going at the same time, because it splits people into groups who can't agree what we want to do.
Yeah, certainly in another context how you phrased it would be fine, but if they were already frustrated with the arguing in the first place, it's pretty easy for them to misinterpret. Having said that though, they seem like jerks anyways so I wouldn't be super concerned about it. As far as the double legendaries, yes it would be better if they did wait until one ended but it's niantic, what we going to expect? Smart decisions that they players are happy with?
"Don't be super concerned about it" sounds simple enough, but in practice it means I can't do raids anymore, at least nothing above a tier 3. Even if I do eventually manage to rejoin the raid group, at this rate it'll be after they've all done their fill of Kyogre raids without me, so I'll be right back in the position of never being able to find enough people for a group again, like it was for the last two weeks Groudon was around. All because one guy was so petty and full of himself that he thinks the way to handle a minor disagreement is to kick people out instead of having a conversation like a reasonable adult.
I already missed my chance for an EX invitation because of all this. A few hours after I got kicked out of the group, they did a raid at a gym I likely would have joined, if I had known, then the very next day, that gym sent out invitations for an EX raid.
When you are trying to explain to unreasonable and illogical person, nothing will works and gets through their brain. I experienced it with my cousin before on a separate matter and it doesn't work, what's more with several people whom you aren't even close with. Even if you are right, they will still blame you as if it is your fault. Hence, I will just tend to keep quiet and go with the flow according to majority because you never know there are always these kind of people who are immature, childish, brainless and unreasonable.. Just my 2 cents.. Cheers...